Imperfect Beasts

 Maybe we'd have better luck as strangers. As two separate souls who never started morphing into one imperfect beast. In the beginning, we  danced together, into each other, clumsily, with ecstasy and confusion. How strange this was. Another soul so close in shape to our own. There were vibrant explosions of complimentary colors. My demons bowed graciously to yours. It became hard to tell where my thoughts began and your words ended. We flowed seamlessly together; we were an electric summer storm. And we were infinite. Naively infinite, for we had begun to discover the cracks where our souls met. And they kept growing as the unconscious picking turned into relentless introspection. And we were drowning. Drowning in the flood of expectations our gilded state of coexistence created. The crown we shared could no longer fit us both. And the mirth we once effortlessly exuded transformed into menacing echoes. Now we've resurfaced- separate and bitter. Strangers with nothing but a hardened scar where our souls were intertwined. Imperfect beasts once again.

Rumors

I heard you left for a faraway place. Where the sunsets last for days and the clouds make love to the mountains. I heard you weren't coming back until the rains left the prairie lush and green. I guess you grew tired of the unchanging pace of home. Did outliving your loved ones become too much of a burden? Did the weariness of aging and inevitability of death bore you? Have you found a cure amongst the glass stone castles of your travels? I heard you're seeing the world, one step at a time. There's rumors drifting around here of mysterious strangers and terrifying antics. When they talk of you, they keep their voices low and the envy cloaked in awe. But darling, I've seen the panicked look in your eyes when we talk of home, as if merely whispering its name would summon you back. And I've seen the lost look when you ask about your family. I heard that you're never coming back, that you've finally decided on roaming until your shoes are mere scraps and your beard walks along the ground as company. And I hope you heard our hearts beating in time with your steps as you find your way.

My Migration Day 2: Dear Missoula

      Woke up to a gray, snow covered world, and it was still falling straight down when I made it to my car. Poor Judy Blue Eyes looked like a giant snow cube. Not the best omen for another day on the road. But then again, I had snow boots, ice scrapers (more than one is the only way to go), plenty of warm clothes, and some hot tea, so I wasn't unprepared. My short frame cleared off my RaV4's not so short frame fairly successfully and off we went.
       Getting back on to I90 was a harrowing experience. The roads were covered in brown, thick slush waiting to pull unsuspecting cars off the road, like the car right behind me. At first glance I thought they were making a very illegal U-turn until they nosedived into the ditch. I debated more than acceptable before I called 911, and after a few minutes of providing information I hung up, left with hope that they were okay, while I kept driving into the stormy western horizon. Originally, Helena, MT was on my detour list, but with this snow I didn't want to risk leaving the interstate, so I drove right on by the exit with a pang of regret, but wearing a cloak of sensibility.
      Montana is gorgeous. Beautiful, expansive, diverse, and plenty of awe-inspiring vistas made up the stretch of interstate I kept to. There were behemoth mountains playing peek-a-boo behind not-unimpressive hills. Not once while I've been driving have I felt alone. I've felt small and I've felt empowered, but never lonely. There are sleeping giants, elegant herons, distracted, winding rivers to keep me company. So often, feeling small is regarded as a negative emotion, but my height is my strength and feeling little equates being humbled, at least in this circumstance. And, if you know me, you know I could use some humility. Another good place to be humbled is brand new driving environments. Cue Missoula!
      First of all, have you driven through there? And secondly, sorry about that rough transition, but I found it absolutely terrifying trying to find the college and then escape town when that venture nearly caused a few mishaps. Being from a small rural town and having never driven in a bike-friendly town, there was a lot of confusion. Are all the roundabout thingies really necessary? However, now that I've semi-formally lodged my complaints in a public forum, I must admit that Missoula is a gorgeous city. All of the trees and flowers were in bloom, the houses are quaint, and there looked like a lot to do, plus the mountains, river, and general beauty of the area were easy to love. All in all, I'd say Montana is a new favorite, but I've still got aways to go.
     

My Migration Day 1: Love and Fear

     So, for future reference, writing memos is extremely challenging while driving! Now that I've gotten you properly concerned, I'd like to inform you none of the notes were terribly exciting or blog worthy. Really, they include major snoozers like:
- A lot of pronghorn! A whole bunch, and yet the only large four-legged road kill I saw were deer. So, are pronghorn faster or smarter or just luckier?
- While in Montana I drove past these giant creatures laying in the fields. Looked like several bison were dead, just left to rot... Until one moved. I have never seen cattle that large or that many sheep hanging out with cows, bulls, and horses. Speaking of sheep...
- Driving along my merry way, focused on the road and out of the corner of my eye I could have sworn I saw a herd of sheep statues. The thing about having an open-mind is that sometimes your common sense filter breaks, would definitely use this as an example.
- I'm mildly surprised (and relieved!) I didn't get whiplash today while I was trying to take in every-single-thing along the road.
- Having cruise control on this car is wonderful. My knees hurt a lot less, I am a lot more focused driving, AND I've actually been going the speed limit.
- My car finally has a name: Judy Blue Eyes. She's named after my mom, sister, and I's road trip song (Suite: Judy Blue Eyes) because everything with a name needs a theme song.

That's it for my notebook notes, as for my non-recorded notes, here are few:

At the beginning of all of this, when I was barely starting to outline getting to Alaska, I was terrified. There was no way I could manage this on my own. What if something happens or I get bored? What if my depression hits or I get too lonely? At the very least, I'm prone to becoming extremely drowsy after only a few hours driving. For weeks the risks outweighed the benefits of going solo. Until it became obvious these were only excuses. There was an answer for every concern, comment, and complaint. Now that I'm on the road (a day in the books), I can't imagine doing this any other way. Meeting people along the way and at checkpoints is my ideal amount of socialization. No disagreements about music or random stops. Just a girl, her car, and the road. Perfection.

    
  Stopped at the Little Bighorn Battlefield today... Sites of murder, death, war, etc always carry a heavy weight. So many lives lost and reclaimed by the earth, for reasons that would have been resolved if humans could refrain from greed. The white and red memorial stones seemed to watch me as I tried to grasp what I had been taught in school (a rez education in this regards is much different than your average textbook) and how that compared to the pamphlets provided by the Park Service. But I'm no good at critical thinking in a historical frame, that was my dad's job. I could always rely on him to know everything about war history... Innumerable times along this visit I'd grab my phone, ready to call or try to remember a question or details, only to be overwhelmed with reality.
      I think I've been to the Battlefield with him, years ago. Although honestly, I'm not sure if I had visited that site with him before... If I had I wouldn't have paid any attention and if I hadn't, well maybe that's best, especially since it would be chalked up with the memories I no longer have access to. Often I wish I could hear his voice, but I never assumed I knew what he was going to say or do because he was unpredictable and I can't even imagine what he knew. Which leaves me with this empty place, waiting for him to come back. Despite the sadness, that's the closest I've felt to him since he passed away almost four months ago. 

My first leg of the trip ended in Bozeman, MT with a snowstorm, a hotel, and 400-ish miles fresh on the odometer.

Planning for A Road Trip

First of all, some numbers: 3,647 miles
                                            23 days until I leave
                                            14 days on the road
                                            8-9 hours of driving per day
                                            3 days in Seattle
                                            2 days in Anchorage
                                            1 person
Secondly, it feels like I've spent my whole life watching other people go off and have marvelous adventures, gathering crazy, awesome stories along the way while I've been sitting at home. Well, last summer when I was in Alaska I vowed to have my own vehicle for the next summer season. So, that's what I'm gearing up to do and on the way I'll finally get to see Seattle, visit another country, and have my own marvelous adventure! Not to mention the plethora of other amazing sites, stories, and moments along the way.
What am I doing to prepare (in no particular order)?
     Pinterest
        Lots of Pinterest. No, really! There's great advice to be found on solo road trips, road trips in general, frugal travel, and backpacking/camping on that addicting site. For instance, I learned there's a tracking app that I can share with a select few people so I'm always accounted for along the way. Thanks to yesandyes.org found via Pinterest, I'm also getting into Podcasts. Oh, and this could also be categorized under "Procrastinating."
     Packing
        Putting my life into boxes again. I've moved numerous times, but have only managed to be present for two or three of those moves. This one's all on me, including my own storage unit. Boy, does that make me feel like an adult!
     Lists, Lists, and more Lists
        To-do lists, shopping lists, packing lists, destination lists, grocery lists, playlists, just basically tons of lists
     Mapping my route
        There's so much more than just A to B! It's a little overwhelming, truthfully. I have to figure out where I'll be staying each night and how far I can realistically get in a day. Will I be staying with someone? At a hotel/hostel? Will I be camping that night? What towns are within my driving range? Etc.
     Working Out
        I'll be honest, I'm pretty out of shape and sitting in a car for hours at a time isn't the easiest on a person's body. To combat that, I've started running again and doing short daily workouts. I feel better now and it's guaranteed to help later!
     Lastly, Research
        This links back to Pinterest, but also asking anyone who has traveled lots of questions, as well as checking out books from the library (or borrowing them). Finding tips, advice, and information wherever possible.

 I'll be documenting the whole thing (or as much as possible) via Northbound or Bust in short entries where wifi is a passing convenience and longer stories when I have internet access for the night. There'll be pictures, quotes, ramblings, and hopefully some insight.

Here's to a challenging, enlightening, and brilliant trek!

Little Blurbs

Always learn. Doesn't need to be in a classroom or out of a textbook, receive knowledge where ever you may find it: A story from an elder, from a child, from an article, by fixing something broken, making something new or better, asking questions (always ask questions), by examining something closely, or even by unfocusing your eyes and watching what unfolds. Observe without judgment, but don't forget to ask why.

"The Great One"

It's been a very long time since my last post. I've accumulated so many stories - important, minor, dramatic, mundane, happy, sad, and downright repetitive. Every once in awhile I'll sit down to write and share pieces of my Alaskan Great Perhaps with anyone who might read this only to find that what I have to say isn't the big adventures you might want or I expect of myself. My stories often involve events that are still in progress that maybe shouldn't be shared quite yet. However, I can tell you about my three-day mini holiday this past Saturday-Monday.

With three days scheduled off from work, this was supposed to be our big train adventure to Talkeetna. Two nights in a hotel with three of my really close friends, horseback riding, zip lining, and any other shenanigans we could find, but the universe rarely cooperates with mortal plans. Not one of us ended up going and only one was ready that morning. Whoops. My first reaction when I finally woke up was to make it up to my first and one of my closest friends here (she was the most excited for the trip) so we went to breakfast for lunch at Totem (the cafe across the street from our housing). We both walked away with food babies and plans for the rest of the day. She had scheduled a flight tour for herself later in the afternoon, and with a few adjustments, I was going too. A flight tour involves airplanes and, depending on the company, flying around Denali aka Mt. McKinley. Sometimes it's just flying around the area which would be cool as well, but ours was pure magic.

Words truly seem inadequate when trying to describe what I saw, and felt, and experienced. Watching as the rivers, ponds, lakes, hills, and mountains begin to disappear beneath patchy clouds. Feeling like you're exploring a different world as the clouds solidify into a floor of white, leaving all thoughts of land behind. You soar past bulbous rain clouds the same white as the others, but rising in a column, stories higher. The skies stay like this for awhile longer, yet you are never bored with the seemingly endless sea of clouds. In the distance a shape forms. A rather large rock at first glance. It's impressive, certainly, but as you near and the clouds dissipate some, you can appreciate what a behemoth Denali is. 21-something thousand feet high, the "Great One" easily dwarves the 14'ers surrounding him. Circling and dipping between the different sights, your guide points out the glaciers, the tallest wall on earth the "Haversham Wall", four of the major peaks, and yet throughout the descriptions your eyes constantly return to Denali. Spines peak around it sporadically above the white floor like an ice dragon's back. As the pilot glides around the peak one last time, passenger's cameras snap away, desperately trying to capture a sight they'll hold most vividly in their hearts.

 My intentions were to finish the rest of the weekend's stories, but I seem to have run out of words. I'll leave you with a few pictures from Monday and bid you adieu =)